Some Nights
by BBboy
Summary: From Spilled Milk: The nights were difficult. Kurt needed space to recover and get over the trauma, Blaine needed comfort and closeness that reassured him Kurt was there, that Kurt was really alive. Warnings: suggested rape, language


The first night:

The first day back home had been exhausting to say the least. So far there had not been any extreme episodes, but both of them were unsure. As the night settled in Blaine noticed Kurt's eyes drooping and blinking more, "sleepy? Are you ready for bed?" a nod. Right now that was the only thing they were able to get out of Kurt was a nod or a shake of a head indicating yes or no answers. Blaine led Kurt into the bedroom where he pulled out some of his and Kurt's pajamas. He helped Kurt with his skin routine, heart sinking as he felt Kurt slightly shake and flinch at Blaine's movements and touch, which hurt Blaine a little, but he tried not to take it too personally. Things, despite the difficulty, finally settled down and Kurt was now in their bed setting down for sleep as Blaine handed him some medicine to take. After turning off the light Blaine settled down on the right side of Kurt.

That's when things got bad. Kurt stiffed, his heart racing. He waited a little bit trying to stay quiet but his breathing started coming out fast and short. Blaine turned over looking at Kurt with a worried expression; "Kurt?" he said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. Kurt violently flinched, startling out of bed. "Kurt, it's okay. I didn't mean to scare you," Blaine said carefully trying to remember stuff the doctor told him to do; if it's memory lapse remind Kurt what was going on and where he was, if it was a panic attack remind Kurt to breathe and that he's safe and okay, remember to keep your voice calm and soft. "It's okay Kurt, you're safe, and you're at home, in our bed. Someone hurt you and you have some minor brain damage, your vocal chords are damaged so you can't really talk right now but they are going to heal, and you are okay now and I am going to do everything I can to make sure no one hurts you again."

Kurt looked around his breathing slowing and heart calming, tears started welling in his eyes. Blaine grabbed some tissues as he got out of bed and made his way over to Kurt; "Kurt, it's okay. Please don't cry." Blaine mumbled and babbled comforting words trying to get him to calm down again.

It took another half hour but Kurt finally started to settle and calm back down. "Kurt, you wanna go back to bed?" shake –'no', "Honey, you're tired, I wish you would go back to bed and get some sleep," more shaking, "Okay, okay." Blaine sighed as he sat down, running his hands up his face and through his hair trying to think of better questions to ask without asking why. He then noticed Kurt looking out the doorway, and then back at the bed. Blaine sat quietly just watching, observing. Kurt moved forward and grabbed a pillow walking out of the room. "Kurt?" He followed him into the living room where he saw Kurt placing the pillow on the sofa.

"Kurt, honey … you shouldn't sleep there," Blaine started then realized his wording was probably wrong. He paused collecting his thoughts watching Kurt trying to settle on the couch, "Kurt … do you not want to sleep in the bed because of something making you uncomfortable?" Kurt paused; Blaine waited then continued forcing himself to ask the question he was fearing, "is sharing a bed with me making you uncomfortable?" Kurt stilled swallowing hard then shyly nodding his head. "Okay, I want you to sleep in your bed, I will sleep out here on the sofa until you let me know you are comfortable with sharing a bed with me again." Blaine paused, waited, then continued "We'll keep the bedroom door open, and you can come wake me up if anything happens …" nod.

It took a few more minutes to get Kurt settled in his own bed, in his own room. After making sure Kurt was peacefully asleep he wrote a quick simple clear message in case he woke up and forgot something and decided tomorrow, or at least soon, he and Kurt would come up with a better plan for coming to a clear understanding and better communication.

Blaine didn't sleep that night. He paced. He sat. He waited. He cried

The First Night Kurt had a Nightmare:

Things started to settle into a routine, and they were no longer uneasy, but things weren't very comfortable yet either. Blaine started learning to just accept Kurt will have bad days and good days, as well as bad nights and good nights. He asked a therapist about Kurt's comfortableness with sharing a bed and it was explained to him that since Kurt's attack happened at night so darkness was an association to what happened, and a large part of what happen was sexual; Kurt was probably thinking that Blaine had expected something from him that he wasn't ready for, which is what most likely made him uncomfortable. He was reassured that it probably wasn't specifically Blaine that Kurt was uncomfortable with. He was even further reassured when he found Kurt, asleep, curled up with one of Blaine's old over-worn sweatshirts.

Blaine woke up with a start. He stared at the ceiling wondering why he had this unsettling feeling in his stomach. He got up slowly and quietly making his way into the kitchen to grab some water. After waking up a little more he very quietly walked back to the bedroom careful not to wake Kurt up. He was expecting Kurt to be calmly asleep, breathing with a light snoring sound. He was expecting Kurt to be curled up tightly in the covers and his hair to be slightly disheveled. He was not expecting what he saw. What he saw was Kurt choking and gasping for air, kicking and thrashing violently and Blaine was almost positive that if he could Kurt would be crying out and screaming.

Blaine rushed over to the bed trying not to scare Kurt but doing all he can to wake him up. Kurt's eyes flashed open after Blaine gently shook him and called his name a few times. "Kurt? Honey, you're okay you were just having a nightmare." Blaine's voice trembled a little in worry but when Kurt looked over at him he knew Kurt was aware of where he was and what was going on, his eyes weren't distant only filled with fear glancing around quickly trying to catch his breath. "Kurt honey, you need to try to calm down or you're going to make yourself sick."

Blaine slowly, hesitantly, placed a gentle hand on Kurt's shoulder trying to comfort him without invading his space. "Oh, Kurt" his heart melted and softened, "you're soaked and shaking like a leaf sweetie." He paused as Kurt's eyes welled up with tears; he gulped and gently took held of Kurt's hand giving it a squeeze. Apparently that is all it took because Kurt then collapsed in Blaine's arms silently asking to be held. As Blaine held and comforted Kurt he whispered soft words reminding him that he was safe now and Blaine would never let anyone else hurt Kurt, he reminded Kurt how much he loved him and everything was going to be okay.

After a while Kurt seemed to calm down enough for Blaine to let go. Blaine smiled at him as he rubbing his hands up and down Kurt's arms. "How about you get changed while I make some of your famous warm milk and we watch reruns of 'Housewives' on the couch the rest of the night?" Kurt smiled and nodded getting up to change out of his wet pajamas.

The First Night Blaine (Accidently) Cuddled Kurt:

Blaine was happy that Kurt was recovering at a speedy rate; that Kurt wasn't as jumpy and Blaine didn't need to walk on eggshells around him. He was glad that he wasn't as nervous about leaving Kurt alone and that they had a routine down. He was absolutely giddy with glee that Kurt smiled a real smile that showed he was happy again.

But with good came bad and Blaine was still only human, he couldn't be strong all the time. He missed Kurt's touch; he missed holding hands with Kurt and cuddling with Kurt. He missed their hugs and kisses they used to share. He understood Kurt was not ready for more sexual stuff but Blaine just needed to know Kurt was really there and that he still loved Blaine. Blaine wanted to ask if they could share a bed again, his back and neck were honestly hurting so it wasn't too selfish of him…. Right?

Blaine sighed cracking and rolling his neck again. He knew he was being distracting and annoying but he was having trouble sitting this close to Kurt without touching him. He then huffed another breath trying to crack his back. Kurt paused the movie turning and giving Blaine his attention. Blaine turned and looked at Kurt a little surprised, "What?" he asked innocently. Kurt raised an eyebrow giving Blaine an expression that clearly said 'really'. "Okay, I'm being annoying I'm sorry, it's just sleeping on the couch so much is really killing my back and neck." Kurt's expression changed and Blaine stopped surprising himself with his own honesty. He didn't mean to say that. Before Blaine knew it Kurt had a pen and notepad and began slowly writing.

Kurt didn't want to learn sign language. He feared if he and Blaine learned sign language then there would be no motivation for his vocal chords to heal and his voice to never make a return. So he stuck with a pen and notepad or texting. If his vocal chords would not heal and his voice would not return then he would look into sign language.

_**I guess we could share the bed.**_

Blaine sucked a breath in as he read what was written, "I wasn't- I didn't say that to make you feel guilty or like you had to share a bed with me. I can just … uh … well I'll … I'll figure it out." Blaine stumbled over his words his tongue feeling fat in his mouth. Kurt shook his head and scribbled something else down.

_**I no. There is room for both of us plus some extra space**_

After a long discussion Kurt ended up getting his way, which he usually did, not that Blaine minded much. Later that night Blaine settled down on his side of the bed, to the right of Kurt. Something ached in his chest and he curled into himself staying as close to the edge as possible, without falling or rolling off the bed, keeping his back to Kurt. Right now he wanted to cry. It scared him how much it felt like Kurt was not really there next to him and the tiniest part of him wondered if this was all a dream and Kurt was really gone, that Kurt didn't make it.

Kurt woke up to the bed jostling and bouncing. Blaine was tossing and turning fitfully in his sleep. He blinked a few times at the ceiling then turned his head trying to ignore the movement. He then felt a weight against him, there was arm pulling him close to another body and a leg finding its way to hook around, he felt a breath ghost across his neck and a rough cheek rubbing into him. Kurt was frozen as his heart rate quickened and memories flashed into his head.

_'I told you to stay quiet fag'_

_'Just force him to be quiet'_

_'Hold him down he won't stop squirming'_

_'Don't kill him; just silence him. I don't enjoy fucking corpses!'_

Kurt fought to stay clam, to gently wake Blaine up without throwing both of them into a panic. He tried to tap Blaine on the shoulder. He tried to gently roll Blaine off him (which only caused him to hold on tighter). Finally after a violent shaking, and a lot of Kurt's panicking, Blaine began to stir awake.

"Kurt?" Blaine mumbled with a rough sleepy voice, only lifting his head up. His eyes widened with realization of the situation, "oh my god! Kurt!" Blaine ran over to the bathroom getting a glass of water and some medicine before returning to Kurt's side to calm him down, which ended with Kurt wanting a moment or so alone.

Kurt took a few moments breathing and trying to clear his mind and focus on what was happening. He then heard a soft sob and sniffle come from the other room. He chewed his lip nervously before entering the room. Blaine's back was to him so he didn't see or even hear him enter. Kurt grabbed the tissue box sitting on the table and walked over to the couch Blaine was sitting on taking a seat next to him, offering him a tissue.

Blaine blinked a few times before taking the tissue. He gulped down some more tears, "I'm so sorry Kurt, I am so sorry. I knew … I- … I knew this" Kurt cut off his watery voice by grabbing Blaine's hand and giving it a squeeze. When Blaine continued to repeat how sorry he was Kurt pulled him into a hug trying desperately to show Blaine he was okay and that they would be okay.

The rest of the night involved Kurt just holding onto Blaine, comforting him.

The First Night Everything Went Right:

There was nothing special that was making the night go right. It was just a simple night. They had dinner and were now sitting, cuddled together, on the couch watching a movie. Blaine was comfortable. Kurt was comfortable.

Halfway through the movie Kurt realized that Blaine had fallen asleep sometime during the movie. He looked down at him sleeping peacefully in his arms. Kurt smiled affectionately, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, whispering the softest, gentlest, 'I love you.'


End file.
